Apathy is once again taking over my life

Things aren't going so well right now. School isn't that great. Senior year isn't that great. I don't get how so many people thought it was amazing. I just want out of here. Chorus really sucks. It used to be my escape from school, but it's just terrible now. Ensemble is terrible. The songs we're doing are horrible. Nobody cares about chorus anymore. General involvement has just gone down and it's disappointing. However, on the other hand, music tech is absolutely amazing. It allows me to pour everything I have into the music I'm writing; music I care about as opposed to the crap we're singing in chorus. Music is NOTHING if there's no soul. I strongly believe music is 99.9% passion and .1% talent. Without the passion, the love, and the soul, music is just nothing but a bunch of noise.

Anyways, I'm also sick of people. I feel like I lost a good majority of my friends just in the past month. Sure I get along with a lot of people, but I only feel like a have a few true friends. I can count the number of true friends I have on one hand . I don't trust many people anymore and I don't feel comfortable around people. I feel like I can't be around most people without being judged. I could use some praying for right now.

So now that summer is almost gone....

Well, summer has yet again escaped us. School is rapidly approaching. I have mixed feelings about it. I'm excited about seeing my friends more often, strengthening old friendships, and making new friends. However, I am not excited about the school/busy work/real job-work. It's gonna be hard to manage my time. It's also gonna be difficult to do band practice because of all of the time restraints. But, on a good note, we got a cello player. Our stuff sounds ridiculously good with cello. Once we get all of our new members integrated and get things sounding a little tighter, we'll be ready to play a show. But, we just have no idea where. Things with college have been frustrating me as well. I know what I want to do, but I just don't know where to go. I'm perfectly fine with not going to the best of the best. I just want to go where's right for me. An education is an education and as long as I get to do what I love for a living, I'll be content. Besides, everybody has a different opinion of what the "best" is. But, I won't get into all of that. I could go on for quite a while about it.

Once again, I've screwed myself over with summer reading. I've only read one book and school is in less than a week. But, whatever. I seriously just don't care anymore. None of this is gonna help me down the road.

So now that summer is here....

It's been a while since I last updated this thing. School has been out for nearly a month now. That's pretty crazy to think about. I've been enjoying my summer so far. I had an experience at the beginning of the summer that was pretty trying and it was hard to get through, but I managed. I felt very close to God the whole time. I always turned to Him for guidance and leadership and He always came through. I also found out what having faith can do. One night, I was driving in some extremely heavy rain. I could barely see anything and to be honest, I was a little scared. So, I prayed to God that He'd keep me safe from harm and that everything would be okay and a few seconds afterwards the rain died down. The same exact thing happened on the way home, too. It may seem like a small thing, but it really showed me the power of faith and prayer. But, lately, my faith in God has been down a little bit and I can notice the difference. I'm not turning to God for help as much as I was before when I know I should be. Whenever I'm close to God, I can tell a huge difference in my life. But, when I stray away, I can also notice a difference.

Well, on a different note, I finally got a job, which I am very thankful for. I'm working at the Publix in Sugar Hill. I also got a ukulele today, which is something I've wanted for quite some time. I guess life is pretty decent at the moment. There's not much to stress or worry about. The band is coming along pretty well, although recording our EP is going very, very slowly. I'm pretty ready to get that finished and for us to play a show somewhere.

So close to freedom...

I'm itching to get out of school. I think this summer is gonna be great.

I'm gonna have a job,  finish the EP with the band, possibly start on the next one, go to the beach, go camping, and just relax with my friends. I'm absolutely sick of school right now. It has gotten to the point where it's just monotonous busy work. Almost nothing I've learned has been useful at all. I want to graduate, but I still have another damn year left. I want out of Buford/Suwanee. I'm not gonna go anywhere far, but I'm just not staying here.

Music and other good things...

So I love how music can bring people together. Music is the reason why I'm friends with a lot of my friends. Music forms this unbreakable bond between two people and it's great.

So anyways today was great. I had a fun, blessed weekend. Chuch was great on Friday. I could really feel the Holy Spirit that night and it was a wonderful blessing. I saw Annie on Saturday and it was great. I loved seeing all of the hard work my friends put into the show in action. Sunday was really awesome, too. Some of my friends and I went to the carnival at the mall. Carnies really freak me out haha. Today honestly could have been better, but I think my good mood from the weekend poured over into my day, so it made it seem so much better. I started writing something amazing for my performance final in Music Tech and I'm really excited about it. It sounds really Beirut-y, but with more of an Italian feel to it. 

I'm really glad I'm having such a great start to the week. 

Thoughts

Summer is rapidly approaching, but at the same time, it seems forever from now. Another year has passed and I am that much closer to graduating high school. Being so close to being a senior invokes a lot of thoughts. I am happy because I am finally nearing the end of high school. I see graduation as a milestone; a milestone at which I'll leave a lot of things behind, never to look back. I'll be leaving behind fake people with no morals. I'll be leaving behind my childhood and begin the rest of my life. And as sad as it is to say, I'll also be leaving behind a lot of my dear friends. While college introduces you to the rest of your life, it can separate you from the ones you love. A lot of people will be going down different walks of life and will be separated by distance and an ever-growing amount of time, which can sever the bonds of a friendship. I hope and pray that I won't forever grow apart from my friends when I graduate. Right now, it's scary to be this close to the rest of my life, but I cannot imagine what seniors in high school or college feel like right now.